Fraternity Rush Chairmen Prepare for Upcoming Debate: Natty Lite vs Keystone

With only a few hours remaining before the start of one the most talked about events of the year, Greek rush chairmen all along Fraternity Row are scrambling to finalize their strategies for the upcoming debate. Some of the men are nervous while others feel inspired by this momentous occasion, one that may not occur again until next weekend when they have to make a decision of which beer to buy in large quantities.

Ruff Hewlett, a Phi Delta Theta rush chairman from Mobile, AL, truly believes anything is possible in this debate.

"Do you feel it, man? asked Ruff while lying flat on his futon flipping through a newly purchased PIKE calendar. "Everyone is talking about hope. Well, I say bring on hope. The future is now. The future...is Keystone. The future is... Holy sh...have you seen Ms. September?"

Keystone Light, a once unknown candidate who has come out of virtually nowhere in the past few years to become a campus favorite, has dazzled the young and underage demographic with its smooth taste and affordable pricing. Many pundits believe this type of support may be exactly what Keystone Light needs to get voted into the fraternity houses.

"Change doesn't come from the frat house. Change comes to the frat house," said one Keystone Light backer who chose to remain anonymous due to his age.

However, not all fraternity men are thrilled with the notion of a brand new beverage taking over the reins.
Buck Grainer, a 6th year Phi Kappa Tau from McKinney, Texas who has been elected as his fraternity rush chairman for the 3rd year in a row now, is quite content with the current administration.

"Gonna let some pretty-faced, no-name, no-history, sweet-tasting beer into this house? I don't think so. Sure, the freshmen may 'oooo' and 'aaaah' over the hype everyone is giving Keystone Light, but us elders know what to look for in a candidate- experience. Natty Light fought for this country during troubled times. A patriot, I tell ya. Heartbreak? Grab a Natty. Rough day? Let's have a Natty. Dad won't put any more money in your account because you spent it all in Tunica? Thank God for Natty."

Elsewhere, other Greeks-in-name-only echoed Gainer's thoughts.

"My parents drink Natty so I do too. It's easier to just align yourself with how your parents think and feel," said Wes Murphy, a Sigma Chi rush chairman from Tupelo, MS, while searching for his Master's visor. "Besides, I'm not so sure my fraternity is prepared for change. We have rules. We have traditions. Rituals that I can not even talk to you about. You see, we live by honor..and by truth.. and by light. But that doesn't necessarily mean Keystone Light.

Neither Keystone Light nor Natty Light cared to comment on this story since the their consumption in this state is of little importance to them.