Rebel Ride Bus Driver Wishes Annoying Drunk Kid Would Drive Himself Home Instead

Late Wednesday evening, Rodney Stamps, a veteran Rebel Ride bus driver, was once again stuck escorting an inebriated and quite rambunctious Jay Lapke safely back to his dormitory for the fifth week in a row.

"Can't that kid just drive home for once? Why does he always have to bug me?" asked Stamps while mopping up splotches of vomit from inside the shuttle. "Somebody let that kid borrow a car so he won't bother the rest of us."

Lapke, a self-professed, "lover of the Square" has recently sought after Rodney's signature "black and gold" shuttle, a shuttle formerly used in Tunica, for trips home from the bar mostly due to its sparkling mirrored ceilings and the plush fabric lining the passenger seats.

"He loves to stand on those expensive seat cushions and hang from them golden bars like some kinda Tarzan, hoopin' and a hollerin' as if he is still boot-skootin' at the bar. He can boot-skoot all he wants in his own vehicle when he learns to drive himself home."

Rebel Ride was recently reintroduced to the Oxford community in an effort to provide students with an alternative to driving under the influence after a night on the town. Within the past several years, the university has come under fire for alcohol-related incidents involving students. Many feel the shuttle service is a wonderful asset to the community. It is estimated that each week, hundreds of university students and Oxford locals utilize the service to avoid congested traffic and unsafe driving conditions.

Stamps is not convinced. "What is unsafe is allowing that boy to ride in the same shuttle as me. He is loud and obnoxious and is always asking to talk over the loudspeaker. If he grabs that intercom one more time to make an announcement about the party being in his britches tonight, I will personally drive him to my car, give him the keys, and let him drive as far away from me as possible. Its unsafe for him to be distracting me like this."

When asked to comment on this story, Jay Lapke offered only a little insight into the situation.
"Wait, who?"
However, Lapke was able to conclude that he would "more than likely" be going out tonight.