Head Buck Permits Lafayette County Deer to Stab Any Humans in Oxford

In an effort to control human overpopulation in Oxford, the Head Buck of Lafayette County has urged all residents to take aim and kill the animals that have threatened their tranquil way of life.

"With so many new residents moving here each year, building condos and cutting down trees, and with all the vehicle traffic that comes with that, it is a matter of time before we have a tragedy," Head Buck Joe said. "But I talked to some other deer and we feel this is best."

Head Buck of Mississippi, Stag, a 250 pound buck from Madison, MS, has explained to county officials the rules to follow during this controversial hunt.

"This ain't no trophy hunt," Stag said. "Don't go out there trying to only stab famous humans like Mayor Pat Patterson or sports coach Houston Nutt. Kill any human in sight- infants in strollers, college kids on bikes, elderly folks on scooters."

Not all deer are convinced that this is an appropriate method.

Doe, a deer, a female deer, and a member of the Deer for the Ethical Treatment of Humans, believes there are other ways to deal with the current situation. 

"The bottom line is that lethal methods don't work. Once we kill some humans, only more will move in to claim the condos and property left behind." 

DETH recommends several alternatives to antler stabbing for population control, including building inexpensive condos several miles outside of town, opening bars near the condos that stay open until 2:00 a.m., and finally, and most importantly, offering cold beer in that same location. 

"Most deer will keep the meat and take it back to their homes in the forest," Stag said. " Don't let the human meat go to waste. That would infuriate me."