Ghosts in Fact and Spirit

Living next door to a perennial crush has its advantages and disadvantages.

Advantages: peepholes, excuses to take out the trash, art exhibitions on my back patio plus or minus wine tastings

Disadvantages: Creepy encounters at 4 am, creepy encounters at 5 am, creepy encounters at 6 am

She may not know of my true intentions but I should tell her. Her parents moved her in this past weekend and I offered help.

"I can lift small objects."

They balked. I watched from the front window as they carried futons, desk lamps and other items through the apartment door. I offered to lift her keys and take them to the hardware store to make copies. They balked.

Good thing I won binoculars at the county fair this past July. They seem out of focus but that's nothing the local binocular repair man can't handle.

Forging friendships with crushes isn't as easy as it seems. Actually, it doesn't seem that easy. I can make small talk or large talk.

"Crazy weather, huh?" Small talk.
"You're big, huh?" Large talk.

She might read the news while sitting in the bathtub. I'll write an editorial in the comics section about living next door to this incredibly attractive babygirl. The comics will feature a loony caricature of myself next to this article. She'll get the picture.

I overheard her telling her mother that she is enrolled in some difficult courses this semester. No worries, sweetheart babygirl, I'm the perfect tutor. I know everything from A-Z. 1-3. Give me time and I'll know a little about 4. Derogatory technocrats would argue that few ever read the news, much less learn about it. I'd call their bluff in a heartbeat, sweetheart babygirl. You believe in ghosts? Only in spirit. I ain't afraid of no ghosts.

If she commits felonies, I'll harbor her in a heartbeat, sweetheart babygirl. This I promise you. Until we approach one another after a wicked late nite where the cops have been called thrice and the back patio art exhibition is on fire, I'll stick to rushing the quartersacks and plaguing you with my misery.

Good date. Ready for the check?